March Madness is about to get under way.  No, not that silly college basketball tournament. We're talking about eight days of pure, unadulterated political junkie-bliss, that is, the two consecutive Saturday sessions of Town Meeting and the Monday town election in between. 

In a break from long-standing tradition, this year town officials have decided to eschew the sparsely-attended week night Town Meeting sessions, which frequently droned on until midnight and beyond. They have been replaced by a second Saturday session.  That's right, two back-to-back, all-day Saturday sessions of Town Meeting fun and frolic. Full of Powerpoint presentations, overhead slides, long-winded questions and even more long-winded answers.  Be still my heart!

This revolutionary scheduling switch is a wise decision and a victory for participatory democracy.  Too often during those marathon late-night meetings (as well as right after Saturday's lunch break), people would tend to doze off.  Then moderator Jack French would have to take out the pair of cymbals he keeps behind his podium just for such occasions, and bang them together to wake the audience up for an important zoning bylaw vote. 

Speaking of moderator French, he deserves some acknowledgment. After all, he graciously agreed, at great personal sacrifice, to postpone his annual visit to a recuperative spa, so that he could be there for that second Saturday session. 

This retreat to replenish his body and psyche has become an absolute necessity, especially after having to stand up through hours of tedious debate over Norman Hapgood-proposed warrant article amendments that nobody understands.

Actually, many novice Town Meeting attendees mistakenly think that moderator French runs Town Meeting. Nothing could be further from the truth. In reality, French has become a mere figurehead, carrying out the commands of the real power behind the podium: town clerk, Nancy Zuelke. Yes, the truth should be told. Nancy Zuelke has final say on all Town Meeting matters, and if you try to get in her way or cause a scene, she'll remove your name from the voter lists, wipe the "V" stamp off your hand, and banish you from Donaldson Auditorium.  So don't say I didn't warn you. 

There are a number of other important protocols to follow if you want to have a successful Town Meeting experience.  First, if you wish to address Town Meeting, never go over and stand in front of one of the microphones strategically placed around the auditorium. Nobody ever does that, so the moderator never looks in those directions. 

The correct approach is to wave your arm like a lunatic until Nancy tells Jack to call on you.  Once called upon, under no circumstances are you to stand so that the young microphone runners can easily find you.  In fact, one way to make them really search for you is to hide behind the knitting of the person sitting next to you. Once you are discovered and the microphone is passed to you, be sure to bang it against your forehead a couple of times to make sure it's working.  I mean your brain, not the microphone.

The first important order of business is the budget.  This year, that's a moving target.  One day the state tells us there's no more money for road repairs.  The next day we're told that there's no guarantee that state aid we're counting on will be available.  The day after, the state wipes out its support for our regional high school. Through it all however, one thing remains constant: funding for the new land use coordinator is still intact.  Will that line item survive Town Meeting? Will anyone raise a peep of protest?

That will be the first test of whether Town Meeting has the matzoh balls, as Senator John Kerry recently so aptly and colorfully put it, to stand up to exert its influence. Will Town Meeting rise to its responsibilities and question that luxury item? Or will the urge to stand and fight be dissipated as the beckoning smells of lunch waft into the auditorium? Be there to find out.  


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It's like the Oscars, the Emmys and the Grammys all rolled into one…minus the gowns, glamour and glitz, of course.  In fact, loose fitting clothes and comfortable shoes should be the order of the day, because this Town Meeting spectacular could be slooow going. 

For those still unfamiliar with the issues facing the town, and therefore unsure of when to get up during the long day to go to the bathroom for fear of missing something important, here's a brief rundown on Town Meeting's potential highlights.  But first, some early morning tips:

Town Meeting begins 9:30-ish with some brief opening ceremonies that most people miss because they come late and are standing outside the auditorium in a line that's backed up to the Brooks Gym, waiting to check in.  Once inside, latecomers can find seats by climbing over the earlier arrivals who have staked out all the aisle seats.    

Remember, it is wise to arrive at Town Meeting just after chugging a double espresso.  Otherwise you run the risk of getting poked in the side with a knitting needle if you start snoring during the finance committee's morning budget presentation (Article 11). 

Typically, budgets are rubber-stamped by Town Meeting attendees, but watch for the selectmen to hold out the line item for the new land use coordinator position, opening that issue up to mid-morning discussion. 

Debate could turn interesting if alternative uses for that $75,000 extravagance are proposed. For example: 1) Hire someone part-time and temporarily to get some of the planning board's work done without making a major commitment in these uncertain fiscal times. Save the balance; 2) Hire a part-timer and use the balance to hire another traffic officer.  We need more enforcement. I haven't gotten a speeding ticket in months;  3) Allow the schools to restore funding for one or more of the eliminated positions (a health assistant, science specialist, curriculum specialist or a third or sixth grade teacher); or 4) Save the whole $75,000. Don't hire anyone.
 
Things should settle down for awhile after the budget is dispensed with, making this stretch the best time to run for the little boys' or girls' room. Many of the early warrant articles involve more housekeeping than controversy.  That is, until Town Meeting gets to the Metco warrant article (35).  Even though its author has proposed passing it over, there's sure to be some impassioned discussion of the program's future. 

For instance, very few Lincolnites are aware that, even with town support for the program, there could be no Metco kindergarteners next year, depending on how many Lincoln students enroll.  The school committee is loath to enroll any non-Lincoln students if it requires adding a new section, and the way the enrollment projections are looking, Boston children could be the odd kids out. Will Town Meeting provide direction to a befuddled school committee on this matter? Let's hope so.

After that, debate should continue hot and heavy straight through 'til days' end as Town Meeting considers a plethora of citizens' petitions.  The Open Meeting Law warrant article (36) should pass Town Meeting because current public access to meeting schedules and agendas is woefully inadequate. Then come the world affairs petitions. 

Global water, civil rights and peace (38, 39 and 40) will be the topics, but will there be debate or will it all be one-sided? Are there Lincolnites who believe so strongly in President Bush's leadership that they will stand to defend the war in Iraq?  We'll see...

It's doubtful Town Meeting will get any further this Saturday, which brings us to next Monday's elections.  As I write this column under deadline, last Tuesday night's Lincoln League of Women Voters' debate has yet to take place.  Peskin vs. Mattes? There's a lot of uncertainty about the outcome, and buzz from the debate could carry through to Monday's town election. 

Whichever way you vote in that battle royale, all Lincolnites should vote for Eric Harris (and only for Eric) in his bid for a seat on the Lincoln-Sudbury School Committee.  Eric is running against two Sudburyites, and if either of them wins we'll be back to only one representative on that important board.  Remember, even though you can vote for two people, restrain yourself and vote only for Eric.

  
 

As the unofficial spokesman for LOONY (Lincolnites Opposed to an Override Next Year), let me state for the record that no member of that ad hoc group of budget-cutting trouble-makers and ne'er-do-wells had anything to do with the power going out at Town Meeting last Saturday. I know this for a fact, because all LOONY members had to undergo rigorous polygraph tests personally administered by Attorney General John Ashcroft, who rushed to the scene, convinced that terrorists were involved.

Of course, nothing could be sillier. Why, most LOONY members wouldn't even be able to find the cutoff switch to the breaker box that feeds the main circuits, or the subpanel that supplies the juice through the breakers to the sound and lights mixing board, even with a set of schematic diagrams. And forget about LOONY members finding the main power cables without electrocuting themselves. They're just not that handy.    

Sure, Town Meeting had just finished rubber-stamping this year's $21 million override budget.  And yes, Town Meeting attendees had just resoundingly approved the line item for the new land use coordinator's position (perhaps in hindsight they'd like to reconsider that vote and redirect a few grand to purchase an emergency generator for the school auditorium).

But LOONY members categorically deny that the cause of the lights going out was in any way budget related…unless the school committee forgot to pay the electric bill.

Speaking of the school committee, were LOONY members the only ones who had to fight the urge to give 'em a standing 'O' when, during her budget presentation, chairperson Sue Hollingsworth so proudly announced that this year's school budget was actually balanced? For the second year in a row, no less? Way to go guys!

So, what caused Saturday's Town Meeting session to end so early?  LOONY members tried to shift the blame to moderator Jack French and town clerk Nancy Zuelke, telling Ashcroft that those two simply decided among themselves to drag Town Meeting out for three weekends because they're having too much fun in the limelight.  But it turns out the real reason was much more benign. The real culprit was a tree branch that fell on a power line somewhere behind the school. Which brings us to the question, what sound will a tree make when it falls outside the school auditorium? The sound of 300 car engines starting, as frustrated (or relieved) Town Meeting attendees head home.

With the budget resolved and the town election behind us, town officials are now a little concerned about attendance for this Saturday's session. They're worried that nobody but LOONY members will remember to show up. Those fears could be well-founded.

With all that silly budget stuff out of the way, those brave enough to return for another all-day session of Town Meeting will first have to sit through back-to-back-to-back-to-back reports from the CPA Committee, the K-8 Task Force, the Housing Task Force and the 250th Anniversary Committee (warrant articles 26-29).  Those come right after the scintillating revolving fund warrant articles (21-23) for the schools, fire department and conservation commission. Let's hope the fire department remembers to bring its defibrillator.

By mid-afternoon though, things should heat up. There's Metco, proposed changes to the way the town observes the Open Meeting Law, and all those bylaw changes (outdoor lighting, wetlands, cell tower height, big-houses and fences). These are all important local issues that LOONY members would like to resolve among themselves, with limited interference from other potential Town Meeting attendees.

In fact, LOONY members would prefer it if everyone else remained focused exclusively on the globally important peace, civil rights and liberties, and water privatization issues. All under the watchful eye of our new assistant town moderator, John Ashcroft, of course.  

With her resounding victory in last week's election, selectman Sara Mattes' political career appears poised to catapult her onto a larger stage. Watch out Susan Pope. Watch out Susan Fargo.

In a race that many predicted would be closer than it was, Mattes trounced challenger Barbara Peskin by an eye-popping two-to-one majority. Her victory was all the more impressive because it so exceeded expectations. Nobody predicted such a lop-sided result. So, what happened?

As the political season began late last year, a number of viable potential opponents were considering challenging Mattes. And why not? Political miscues and snippy comments had alienated some smaller constituencies like residents in the Sunnyside Lane area and customers of the commercial haulers. And among political insiders she was seen as quite light on the finer details of town governance (like the budget), while overly strong on the political schmoozing aspects.

In recent years, no sane person even considered challenging a selectperson like Roz Delori, whose political skills were well-respected.  This year, however, Mattes was considered vulnerable to a strong challenger. But, one by one, the most likely potential candidates demurred, citing work and family commitments, and the sheer drudgery of the selectman's job, as their reasons.

Just when it appeared that Mattes would get a free ride at the polls this year, along came Barbara Peskin, who had come very close to winning a seat on the planning board last year. An idealist with the strong belief that the town's first line of protection against development is its zoning bylaws, Peskin was troubled by what she saw as a lack of zoning enforcement brought on by selectmen policies meant to avoid actions and decisions that might lead to lawsuits.

And so the race was joined. Two women with no love lost between them, battling it out for the top spot in town, in what seemed at the outset to be a close contest. However, in Lincoln politics, there's Feinberg's Law on LIPs.

That law states that when two candidates are running for the same position, the one who is considered to be the Lincoln Insider Person (LIP) will always win.

How do we define a LIP? If you currently serve (or have ever served) on a town board or committee, or if you are active in one of the more influential non-government organizations in town (RLF, Codman Farm, League of Women Voters, First Parish Church, etc.), you automatically qualify. Sorry, annual attendance at Town Meeting is not enough. You have to belong to a town committee or group. 

Of course, the more groups and committees you belong to, the bigger of a LIP you become. As a sitting selectman, with past stints on the housing commission and as a Bemis trustee, Mattes had a huge LIP advantage over Peskin.

Let's say that there are roughly 250 such LIPs in town. Not only do they all vote in local elections, each has the ability to sway the votes of an average of three family members, friends or neighbors. Therein constitutes 1,000 votes, and since the average local election only draws around 1,200 voters (this year there were 1,314), you can see how critical that LIP vote is.

Lincoln Insiders were not swayed by Peskin's passion for zoning. Perhaps, had she used the past year to become more of an insider, she might have done better, but it was clear that by the debate a week before the election, the LIPs were leaning toward Mattes. 

In the aftermath of her defeat, Peskin can look at an unusual source for mild solace: me. Back in the early '90s I ran for the school committee and came in a dismal third. Bitten by the local political bug, I returned the following year and ran for selectman, only to get beat again. I survived those back-to-back defeats (and I have the fat lips to prove it).  And so will Barbara.

As for Sara Mattes, watch out Mitt Romney.